3 minutes reading time
Hey, you know how so many people say education is very important.
Education is good. It can lift people out of poverty. Education is important. Poors, OBC, SC, ST all study. You were historically not allowed to study, study now.
Is that all true?
They give examples like Ambedkar, Manmohan Singh etc. They say our current PM is just a poor guy from village with no school.
They say Manmohan was great student in Cambridge, and even in Oxford later during his PhD.
All these true?
Education important?
My parents tried to give me education.
I had no food many days. My parents didn't eat for many days.
But they sent me to a stupid private school (ELGI matriculation) and paid fees.
But me. I couldn't study. I was not failing every day.
However, I was just spending time with all racing thoughts. Never can sit and study for more than a few minutes. Never focused and revised before exam. Never did proper homework.
Was scolded by teachers, made to stay outside the class, scolded, hit, etc. Hated schools.
Never had friends. Been always alone, and always talking to myself. Never silent, always talking to myself.
Whole morning I was in so much pain. Headache. Anyway thankfully got some relief sometime back. And now I don't know where I am going with this thought.
Can't write Tamil properly, cuz my hand just doesn't roll. Can't write English either in clear legible way. I can't remember how many times my school teachers hit me on my knuckles. Virgin Mary I think her name was. I could be very wrong. She hit and it would pain for days. For Tamil. And before the pain goes away, hits again. Idk.
Then zoology. Always stood outside. She just excluded me from the class basically.
Then 11th and 12th in SRNV school. Here comes the physics teacher Thyagarajan. Why? Idk. He just is a cunt who hates me or something, always hitting me randomly. If I answer a question I was not supposed to answer (because he asked me and he thought I shouldn't know), next day I will get hit for other reasons. I am the kind of guy who never raises hands and answers when they ask the class. But when I was called, made to stand and asked a question, the answer just came. And that irked him.
Anyway, I am here. In this college. Fuck, the fees are in lakhs. Idk.
A year passed here. Been here since Aug 2008. I am just not sure how today I am even thinking and writing.
The only thing I can do looks like is write. And I am writing this diary. I can't write useful things like stories and books that others can read. I am just writing my own shit in this notebook.
I have seen people spend time with others talk a lot. I also love to do that but I can't. So maybe this is my only friend? But usually other friends deny, contradict and correct others. But if I just write away in this notebook, what will happen?
Written on 22 August 2009 in a notebook. OCR'd (thanks to Tesseract OCR) and added to the web on 20 August 2011.
Image Credit: At the School Doors by Nikolay Bogdanov-Belsky (1897) via Wikimedia Commons